Dating Tips

Signs You’re Not Getting Lucky Tonight

This is for you guys. A woman can get lucky whenever she feels like it, but unfortunately that’s not always the case for menfolk. Here are the signs you should watch out for so you don’t waste your time!

She Says She’s on Her Period

Guess what? She’s probably not! Muahahaha.

Her Body Language

If her back is facing to you more than her front, you’ve already lost.

She’s Got a CB With Her

Yup, if she’s got that ugly friend who wants to drag her home and away from you … 99 percent of the time she’s just gonna go with the friend. Never mess with a c—block.

She Insists on Buying Her Own Drinks

She doesn’t want to owe you anything.

It’s a Sausage Fest

Come on, I had to throw an obvious one in there!

She Keeps Saying She’s Tired

This can be either via text or in person. I think every guy is familiar with this one, either from your wife or from a girl you’re pursuing.

  1. She Doesn’t Look Good

If you’re at home and she’s lounging around in sweats with no makeup on, her confidence level is at a low. If she doesn’t feel sexy, the likelihood of sex has dropped big time.

She Says She Has a Headace

Just like her period, she doesn’t.

‘The Real Housewives’ is on

Yea, you definitely ain’t getting any honey!

She’s Mentioned the Word Cuddle

If you haven’t even gotten into foreplay and this word comes up, you might as well pull up Safari on that iPhone and hit up RedTube.

She Doesn’t Respond to Your Touch

If you’re the only one doing the touching, you will go no further.

She Brings Up Something Totally Unsexy

Like your mother. She’s deflecting, and she just won.

You Got the Eye Roll

My favorite facial expression! This means no more than the word “no” does.

She Hasn’t Shaved

Most women get self conscious if they haven’t shaved, and I’m not just talking about legs and armpits. Some women will intentionally not shave before going to to stop themselves from a random hook-up because they don’t want to be embarrassed.

She Tells You to Get Off

You’ve heard it. You’ve heard it a hundred times. An oldie, but a goodie.

Dating Advice

Things You Wish Your Boyfriend Would Stop Doing

We love our boyfriends — we love them so much. But sometimes we just don’t like them. There are a lot of things that can get on a woman’s nerves, and these are things we just wish our men would stop doing!

Obsessing Over Fantasy Football

I feel like fantasy sports has ruined pride in the sports community. It seems like fantasy participants don’t root for their team anymore, but for the roster of their fantasy team. Anyways, boyfriends have become obsessed with their teams which takes dozens of hours online, mixed with ridiculous group texts and extra time sucked into their cell phone. I’m over here, honey.

Farting In Front Of Me

It’s lovely that we’re so free and open with each other, but just because you feel open enough with me to do it doesn’t mean you should.

Making Fun Of My Shows

I understand you don’t like ‘Pretty Little Liars’ and ‘The Real Housewives’, but I don’t like the Redzone channel for 12 hours on Sunday or ‘Buying Alaska’. You don’t hear me complaining about it to you, do you? So leave my housewives alone.

Being Little Spoon

I don’t know where the cliche came from that men are always big spoon. In every picture, movie and television show, the man is always spooning the woman in bed. This is false. Every girlfriend knows she is the big spoon and her man is little spoon. Men turn into little babies when it comes to cuddling. Man up and hold me.

Always Wanting It In The Morning

Guys get morning wood. We get it. Unfortunately for you there is no such thing as morning moist. We don’t want it that bad in the morning. Sorry Charlie, you could at least brush your teeth before trying though.

Being Lazy Around the House

I’m a little more traditional than most women, and I feel like women should keep the house clean. I don’t expect anyone to share the same values as me when it comes to that. However, when I have to keep picking up your socks every day and finding clothes draped over the kitchen chairs, I might lose my cool. Just do the bare minimum, that’s all I ask.

Not Refilling the Toilet Paper

What is it with men and the toilet paper roll? We have to use it no matter what we’re doing in there; you only have to use it for No. 2. Maybe they feel like we need it more so it’s our responsibility. Men are the kings of getting a new roll and just sitting it on top. Come on, man; just pop the spring loaded bar out and slide it on. You should be familiar with that.

Telling Me What He Thinks I Want To Hear

Let me tell you guys, we know when you’re telling us BS. When we just woke up and have last night’s mascara caked under our eyes with our stank breath and ratchet hair and you tell us we look beautiful… please. I’d rather you tell me I look rough and laugh with me about it. We know we look like crap. This goes all across the board too, like saying you don’t like strip clubs, or you liked the new salmon dinner we cooked. Be honest, honey; we’ll appreciate it.

Letting His Hair Go Wild

Namely downtown. Men complain that women don’t give oral enough, but maybe there’s a reason for it, sweet cheeks. Keep it together down there, as well as nose, neck, ear, back and chest hair. Would you like it if we didn’t maintain our hair?

Double Standards

Men can go a really long time without responding to a phone call or text message. But god forbid you don’t respond to him immediately and he gets all whiny and keeps texting and calling you asking where you are. Men are more needy than they like to admit.

Not Caring About Holidays

Anniversaries aren’t for you, they’re for us. Men think of anniversaries as just another day of the year. We think of it as a milestone and a celebration of our relationship. Just because you don’t have feelings about something, doesn’t mean we don’t. I don’t care about Sundays during football season, but I continually cook an abundance of food for your 10-plus friends who come over because it means something to you. Let’s reciprocate shall we? This goes for birthdays and religious holidays as well.

Putting The Seat Down

I’m going to champion for men on this one. You don’t need to put the seat down for me. If you have to lift it up to go, it’s the same amount of effort that I would need to exert to pull it down to go. It doesn’t make any sense. This is just something women want control over and it has no merit. Leave the seat up, honey bunch.

Acting Like A Baby When He’s Sick

Why do men act like total pussies when they have an illness? They drag on and whine and beg for you to take care of them. Take some NyQuil and some vitamin C and shut up already.

Adjusting Himself Constantly

I can’t carry on a conversation with you on the couch when your cupping yourself. I don’t know what it’s like to have that junk so maybe I don’t understand, but it’s pretty gross when you’re constantly grabbing at your sweaty business.

Not Proposing

I mean, he doesn’t propose every single day. Isn’t that a little bit excessive? Maybe he’s not proposing because I just nagged 14 things that annoy me about him. Hmm.

Dating Advice

10 Ways To Make Your Relationship Stronger

These 10 things are guaranteed to help you establish a stronger relationship, especially if you and your partner are having problems.

Hang Out With Other Couples

Spending time with other couples will allow you and your partner to see how how healthy relationships function. It’s important to have a role model when it comes to building a strong relationship.

Exercise Together

Working out together will not only give you quality time together, but it will also help relieve any stress that may be toxic to your relationship.

Invest In Books

Turning to experts is a great idea when you want to improve your relationship. There’s nothing wrong with investing in a relationship advice book to overcome any issues you may have with your significant other.

Pillow Talk

Pillow talk is a great way to be open and honest with one another. It’s a moment that you can both let your guard down and share what’s really on your mind.

Designate A Date Night

Set aside a time to spend together in a relaxing environment. It’s important to keep the romance alive, and having date nights is a great way to focus on just your relationship.

Argue

Having verbal disagreements may be what it takes to express your issues and concerns. If you never argue, how can your partner know that you’re upset?

Share A Hobby

Learn something new together that only you two share. Finding a joint hobby is a great way to add excitement to your relationship and rejuvenate your romance.

Get A Baby Sitter

Take a break from everyday life and focus on only your relationship. Your kids are important, but so is finding some alone time.

Go To Counseling

Going to a relationship counselor may provide the comfort and environment needed to get issues out in the open — so you can resolve them.

Focus On Communication

Above all, make sure you always have good communication. Being able to discuss differences and issues without getting frustrated or angry is what having a mature relationship is all about. When something is bothering you, the worst thing you can do is hide it from your partner.

Dating Tips

15 Questions You Wish You Could Ask Your New Ex

It ended for some reason, but you’re left with a ton of unanswered questions

  1. “So how’s that job hunt working out for you?

You never paid a dime for gas, groceries, entertainment, dinners, vacations, or literally anything for the better part of a year. You didn’t just break up with me, you broke up with my credit card too.

  1. “You didn’t seriously think I was stupid enough to never find out, did you?”

“He’s my friend” and “He’s like a brother to me” are red flags one and two that you’re polishing his knob on the regular. How stupid did you think I am?

  1. “What’s the Over/Under on how many of them you faked?”

Five out of seven, maybe? Six of ten? Ballpark it for me, just so I can adjust for the future.

  1. “Did you get the bill I sent you for the windshield?”

If you could be a dear and go ahead and get that check to me, that’d be awesome. Or at least let me know where to send the summons. Thanks.

  1. “Your friend Dawn? Do you still have her number handy?”

I wanted to umm… ask her something? I think she left something at my place after that one dinner party we had. She’s still single, no? Just wondering.

  1. “Do you have any idea how bad of a cook you are?”

Seriously, you served me spaghetti tacos. With a dead serious face. You’re the reason I learned how to cook.

Which will actually now get me laid a ton. So… thanks?

  1. “Which thrift shop did you drop my Yankees jersey off with?”

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got your selfie. Yes, I’m aware you snagged it. Just let me know where it is and I’ll go get it. Very mature.

  1. “Why do you keep telling me about this new guy as if I care?”

You’re his problem now. If that’s a life choice he’s comfortable making, far be it from me to stand in his way. In all honesty, I should thank him for taking that bullet for guys everywhere.

  1. “Your parents never liked me, did they?”

It’s cool, we’re all adults here. I thought they’re both idiots. So there’s that.

  1. “You didn’t really hit a deer in my car, did you?”

Fess up. You hit a light pole and let me file a false claim with the insurance. Come on, be honest… you tried to parallel park while texting, didn’t you?

  1. “That trip to Key West we planned? You don’t mind if I take your friend Kelli in your place, do you?”

The ticket and hotel is already paid for. Shame to see it go to waste. Plus, she already got the time off from work. Not like you paid for literally any part of it.

  1. “That Tag Heuer you got me last birthday… it’s fake, right?”

I’m pretty sure that suit coat wasn’t actually Ralph Lauren too. It’s fine, those earrings aren’t diamonds.

  1. “If you thought ‘Avengers’ was stupid, why’d you go with me to see it?”

I seriously told four different friends I couldn’t make it just so I could take you. That’s one more evening you could have had your side guy come over like we both know you would have.

  1. “You’re still cool with your brother and I playing golf, right?”

I don’t care, he doesn’t care, and we just wanted to know if you’re able to get over yourself and be a grown up about it.

  1. “So you, uhhh… got your, umm… you know…Right?”

Just really not trying to get that phone call in a month or two.

Dating Tips

Foolproof Relationship Tips For Men

Ever since a man was a boy, he has been competitive. He competes for grades, competes for friends, competes to be on the varsity team and he competes for THAT girl. If you are a man and having trouble landing THAT girl, your problem stems from looking at it as a competition. Here are foolproof ways to get her; and to keep her.

Don’t Be Afraid To Flirt

You are at a bar and this woman catches your eye. Don’t talk yourself out of approaching her and actually flirting by saying hi. Instead what do you guys do? You throw a pick-up line her way and watch her walk away! Flirt but don’t be a douche.

Surprise Her Often

After you flirt with her and get her number, it’s important to woo her. Wooing her is the step you need to take in order to “land” her.

Read Up

What is meant by “read up” is quite simple: read up on things that interest the woman you are trying to woo. The more you know about her and her interests, the better you will look.

Give Her Your Attention

Instead of focusing on the game, the guys, and your smartphone, take time to focus on her and her alone.

Indulge In Romantic Gestures

Frequently, set time aside to indulge her in romance. Go on a romantic trip, set up a picnic in the park, etc. So something that will in turn, make her smile.

Include Her In Your Decisions

Whatever decision you need to make, ask her for your opinion. Let her know that her thoughts and feelings matter.

Respect Her

Displaying a chivalrous attitude is the perfect way to show your respect for the women in your life.

Be A Sex God

A successful relationship has two important traits, beautiful romance and sizzling sexual chemistry.

Be Honest

One of the worse things ANY man can do is to string a woman long and then go, “I just don’t want to mislead you.” Sorry buddy, but you already have! Let a woman know what your intentions are. If things are moving too fast, tell her to slow down. Don’t be shaky when it comes to being open and honest.

Communicate

Always keep the lines of communication open 24/7 With technology today this is very simple.

Show Your Appreciation

Nothing pisses off a woman more than being taken for granted. Always show her that you care, that you acknowledge all that she does for you and always reciprocate your affection.

Don’t Cheat Or Lie

It doesn’t matter if you are married or in a relationship. There is NO excuse for cheating or lying. That’s what breaking up and divorce is for! If you aren’t happy, leave. But don’t disrespect your woman by cheating and lying to her.

Break Up In Person

If you need to break up don’t be coward and do it over a text, over social media, a voice mail, or even in an email. A REAL man does it face to face.

Tell Her You Love Her

Always tell her that you are proud of her, that you love her and that you are always going to be there for her. Make he feel that you can’t live without her and she will take that to heart.

Don’t Let Her Get Away

One mistake most guys make is that they fear committing to a woman too fast. So you guys play games, beat around the bush, and in turn let her walk away. Then you get jealous when another man reaps the reward of your stupidity. As Beyonce sang, “If you liked it then you should’ve put a ring on it.”